This post was first on MothersMilk.ca (the website is currently unavailable). I am able to repost it here and thought I would as it really explains how and why my family moved from Vancouver to Toronto. It is a little long, but in my humble opinion, well worth the read!
RoShamBo
The date of February 12th, 2010 will forever be ingrained in my memory. It is on that day that three seemingly unrelated events occurred; one forever changed the course of my life, one helped me ease into the transition and the last helped me through the tough times.
The day started off like any other. Tim, who was increasingly unhappy at his job, left for work at the usual time. I kissed him goodbye, wished him a good day, and told him no job was worth the aggravation he was experiencing. I also reminded him that the Olympic torch would be passing by the bow of a neighbour’s boat on its way to light the cauldron. I then gathered the children and scurried off to Granville Island where preschool awaited my son.
It was a clear day, warm for February. I dropped off the kid, and joined some of the preschool moms or our usual coffee and gab session. A few hours later Tim called and calmly told me, he was on his way home and wanted to see the torch being paddled by. He was leaving work. In a scared and excited voice I asked; “for the day or for good.” For good. Well then, now life gets interesting. That was the first event.
The second was the Olympics. Sixteen days when Vancouver became a hub of excitement and vitality. What I had once dreaded became a fortnight of fun and a mini-salvation. For those two weeks, Tim and I attended street parties, pavilions and games while the kids were at daycare. As a family, we went to the nightly parade on Granville Island. We took the kids downtown (once!) to see the mascots. We tucked our worries away and enjoyed the festivities surrounding us. It was a good segue into transition.
The third was my foray into vampire lit. That night, after we had watched the Opening Ceremonies, I began to panic. Where were we headed and what route would take us there. Rather than fret, I grabbed a book a friend had leant me and quickly became engrossed. That night set the precedent. When I became stressed about the lack of income or what the future may hold, the world of Bella, Edward and Jacob enveloped me. As life became increasingly nerve-racking, I read more. I needed the books to escape in the same way Edward craved Bella’s blood. And when my life went into further chaos, I turned to Sookie, Bill and Eric in the Charlene Harris series.
I suppose now is as good a time as any to explain how my life has changed. There comes a point in every parent’s life when they realize decisions no longer centre around them. I am not talking about where to eat a meal out when the kids are in tow, or how to plan a Saturday afternoon. I am talking about major life decisions. The big ones. The ones like, where to live. The one like my husband and I just made.
You see, in June 2005 Tim and I moved from Ontario to Vancouver. For 15 years we called the West Coast home, enjoying all it had to offer. Tim loved back country skiing and rock climbing. I snowboarded and kayaked. We both loved to sail and lived on a sail boat. A few times a year we would hop a plane and visit family in Ontario.
And then we had kids.
my monkeys
And then things started to change.
Bi-annual trips to Ontario became quarterly. Back country skiing and snowboarding became a distant memory. Sadly, the sailboat saw more of the marina than of the anchorages. We missed our parents, brothers and sisters. We wondered what it would be like to live near them. To have regular contact and some support system. For the first few years the thought niggled at me, never at Tim. “Why,” he would ask, “would we leave all this?” Tim walked to work, the dog went with him. I had so many activities at my doorstep. We had a great group of friends and the kids loved the boat and all the people at the marina. Why indeed.
I have no idea when it was that Tim and I started to see life a little differently. It just happened one day. We began to ask the question – should we think about Ontario? Okay, to be truthful we asked this question about 3 years ago, thought about it and then poo-pooed the idea. This time around, it wasn’t so easy to shove the idea under the carpet. It just kept growing. What would it look like to live near family. To have the kids grow up in the company of their cousins. To see grandparents regularly. To have free babysitters and the occasional weekend away – without kids. We ignored the siren call for a month or so. But when it returned, it was louder than ever. Rather than wondering why go, we began to ask, why stay.
So, we came to Ontario for a vacation, to explore possibilities, to see if this was an option. And you know what, we never went back. Literally.
Its a long and winding story of how we ended up in Toronto, a city neither one of us ever thought would be home again. But after a stint in Kingston, a few weeks in Brockville and a month of living with my mom, we are here. We decided to not shlep the kids back to Vancouver, as after a three week “vacation” in Ontario they were already adjusted and over jet lag. To take them back to Vancouver seemed cruel. They would return to home, only to say goodbye to all they knew, not really understanding what was happening. We felt, staying and explaining was the better option. For them.
At first they accepted the move and never asked when we were heading back to the boat. So, I ignored it. I hoped they question would never be asked. But then one day, while driving the highway to visit grandparents, my son told me, “I miss Spruce Harbour Marina. When are we going back.” Choking back tears, I struggled to find an answer. “Not for awhile,” was all I could manage. How do I explain never. “Mom,” he replied, “I miss my boat.” “Me too Luke. But let’s try life here, near the family.” He accepted that answer.
But every few weeks, he would ask again and tell me how much he missed Spruce Harbour. Each time he asked, a piece inside of me cried out. We knew the transition would be hard, I just think we weren’t prepared for how hard. I tortured myself with self doubt. I have cried myself to sleep countless times and have lain awake at night tortured by the burning question “Have we done the right thing?” We ripped Lucas and Aidan from a unique lifestyle on the boat, to live in a large city. We left one of the most beautiful places in the world to live in a large metropolis. We put our offshore sailing plans on hold. Tim, never one for looking backwards, had the same worries.
But we held in there. Each day got a little easier. We found a house to call home – with a pool in the back yard. The local school is a block away and Aidan’s daycare is around the corner. Rather than finding obstacles, the path to settling in was clear. We even found a doctor! We joined a Yacht Club, I joined a mom’s group, and we contacted old friends from our younger days. The children are making friends. Lucas plays street hockey at night with the kids down the street, he has a best buddy at school and he can’t wait for winter. Aidan loves running around the house, and seeing her “best friends” – her three cousins who live near by. Slowly, our lives are taking shape. I miss my posse of girls, but I know the true friendships will last. And you know what, a couple have even made the same jump we did and live not too far away. Funny that.
Lucas still asks for the boat and I still wonder. But then, I watch my kids play with their cousins; cuddle up to a grandparent or interact with an aunt or an uncle and I ask myself, “how can I doubt what I have done.” They will know the love and security of an extended family. And on those nights when even that thought can not soothe me back to sleep, the antics of Sookie and Bella help pass the hours.
I miss my friends, my life and my city but I am so thankful I had the strength to make this decision. I am happy to be near my family again. And while I know there will be bumps along the way, I am glad I am here. And heck, when it gets to be too much, there is always a vampire waiting to be picked up. Now, if only Sookie and Edward could meet. I wonder how that would go.
She has granted me the role of one of her bloggers for her new book – Ace Your Health. Through these first few weeks, I am rediscovering my voice. And I like what I am hearing (by the way, head over to www.myfriendinfood.com and read away – leave me a message there if you like what you read).
